Cyclists Are Literally the Worst

"The Common Gearhead" (thecommongearhead) 02/24/2014 at 12:25 • Filed to: Cyclists suck

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I realize that the title is a bit inflammatory, but after having a very unpleasant altercation with a cyclist while walking to class this morning, I have to vent my frustrations. Let me ease some of the tension by qualifying this statement: many cyclists are perfectly fine individuals with whom I have no quarrel, but just as many are aggressive, self-righteous jackasses who deserve to have their riding privileges revoked.

Allow me to elaborate on my encounter. This morning, at approximately 10:20 AM I was on my way from my apartment to Northeastern University for my first class of the day. Due to the absurd amount of precipitation that has befallen the city of Boston in the last few weeks, the path that I take to class had become very icy. This route consists of a bike path and a walking path that are parallel to each other. Upon realizing that the stretch of walking path ahead of me was much icier than the bike path, I chose to look behind me quickly, and cross over to the bike path side, seeing as to how it was not busy. I courteously stayed to the right hand side of the path, leaving approximately 10 feet of space on my left for any cyclists who happened upon me to pass safely. The large, extensively hairy gentleman walking ahead of me on the bike path, who looked a bit like the guy from Lost, was also thoughtfully staying out of the way.

Enter: Asshat. A blur of black and red flies by me on the left with no prior warning, startling me a fair amount and causing me to reflexively clench my buttocks. He proceeds to coast up to the crosswalk ahead, and stop to wait for the walk symbol. As my furry companion and I catch up to him, attempting to walk by on the small, icy sliver of sidewalk he left us behind his bike and his massive ego, he decides to tell my compadre that "the bike lane is for bikes only, use your brain next time!" As I pass him, he says "you too, asshole!"

This is what set me off. Instead of just riding on by, accepting the natural right of humans to walk wherever they please that is safest and most preferable to them, he has to make an ass of himself and of all other bikers. I told him to "have a nice day" (or something along those lines), and he proceeded to tell me to "have fun going to class in the 70s," presumably a comment on the leather jacket I was wearing. Then he sped off when the light turned and promptly turned back and gave me the finger.

Now, I understand that commuting on a bicycle is a healthy, environmentally-friendly way to get to work, and that cyclists are often passionate about their hobby. I also understand that cyclists, generally moving at a higher rate of speed than pedestrians with little to no bodily protection, are at a higher risk of injury from cars or falling. But for the love of God, if your method of dealing with this passion and insecurity is being a general ass wipe to the people around you, then you deserve to be hit by the bus.

Driving in the city, I am constantly surprised by cyclists darting out from behind stopped cars in traffic, speeding across crosswalks at busy intersections while the light is green for cars, and lane splitting like they own the road. They ignore red lights, expect cars to slow down dangerously when they're around, and even ride on sidewalks from time to time to get to their destination faster. If you do this, I hate you.

When you're on the road, or more importantly on public walking and biking paths, respect the rules of the road, and be a courteous commuter. The fact that you ride a bike to work is no excuse to be a prick to people who are trying to get where their going via other modes of transportation. You are very near the bottom of the transportation food chain, and you should conduct yourself accordingly. Respect everyone on the road, and maybe, just maybe, I and everyone else can begin to respect you.

Gimmi-Sagan-Om-Draken > The Common Gearhead 02/24/2014 at 12:31

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The Common Gearhead > Gimmi-Sagan-Om-Draken 02/24/2014 at 12:33

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Considering the fact that he generally dislikes all users of two-wheeled transportation very publicly, I will accept this. Still love the guy.

Milky > The Common Gearhead 02/24/2014 at 12:33

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Next time see if his bike has any unique things on it. Then when you see it tied to something, make sure its not there when he gets back.

Gimmi-Sagan-Om-Draken > The Common Gearhead 02/24/2014 at 12:34

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I think his family makes him, he doesn't seem to like cycling at all haha. He lost weight though.

Nibby > The Common Gearhead 02/24/2014 at 12:35

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When I'm driving, I just pretend everyone wants to kill me.

crowmolly > The Common Gearhead 02/24/2014 at 12:36

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Get ready for a shitstorm because this type of thing is very polarizing.

Some cyclists obey the rules and are treated badly by drivers who want to "buzz by" on a road with no shoulder.

Other cyclists are pure cockiness and snobbery poured into obnoxious spandex clothing.

Having been part of the first group for a little while, it's no fun and downright scary.

As far as the second part, I was lucky because the last time I encountered an extremely rude cyclist I was in a car with a line lock, tires that needed to be replaced, and in a bad mood to begin with.

IDROVEAPICKUPTRUCK > The Common Gearhead 02/24/2014 at 12:37

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While that guy was a prick about it I understand where he was coming from. While I was in college I got into a serious accident on my bike when a pedestrian suddenly moved in front of me in the bike lane, needless to say I rammed straight into them, sending us both to the hospital.

A lot of cyclists are massive pricks, but a lot are also tired of being painted by the brush you are using right now.

Twingo Tamer - About to descend into project car hell. > The Common Gearhead 02/24/2014 at 12:40

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No need for cyclists to be like that, I've only gotten angry a couple times while cycling. The most recent one was at a roundabout, i indicated way early and moved to the middle of the lane when no cars were nearby, then the nearest driver promptly floored it and overtook me while i was on the roundabout. Otherwise best to stay calm, the angrier you are as a cyclist, the more angry the people around you will be which compromises your safety.

RazoE > Nibby 02/24/2014 at 12:48

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Sums it up nicely.

McLarry > The Common Gearhead 02/24/2014 at 12:52

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I think to be fair you have to rephrase to "Asshats are literally the worst". This way, asshats that happen to also be cyclists are still the worst (and you get to include folks like asshat drivers and asshat pedestrians - all of which are also "the worst") without having to make statements that besmirch the reputation of considerate cyclists. (disclaimer: not a cyclist and generally not a fan of cyclists (and not at all a fan of asshats), just less of a fan of overreaching generalizations.)

jariten1781 > The Common Gearhead 02/24/2014 at 12:54

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I'm known among my friends for ranting against cyclists. I can't normally get through a week without witnessing or dealing with some cyclist douchbaggery.

Funny thing is though, I don't have an abject hatred for them. For every idiot cyclist who gets hit right in front of me after blowing a stop sign I probably pass 50 cyclists just hanging to the right trying not to get run over. The second group just doesn't stick in my mind and frankly, 'I passed four cyclists today and they were doing the right thing' doesn't make for interesting conversation.

HammerheadFistpunch > The Common Gearhead 02/24/2014 at 12:56

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1. Boston

2. Bike Path

3. University

This is a recipe for asshat cyclist. This is not representative of the breed. This is like saying "some dick cut me off in traffic today, drivers suck!"

Nibby > RazoE 02/24/2014 at 12:59

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Thanks!

dinobot666 > The Common Gearhead 02/24/2014 at 13:02

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Humans are literally the worst. It's simply another form of transpiration, and you're observing the worst behaviors that humans exhibit while riding on two wheels.

People do equally stupid things in cars, but they're much more common on the road and you become accustomed to it and accept generally it. When somebody on a bicycle does something just as stupid, your angst is magnified because they're in your way.

There's nothing new under the sun.

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > The Common Gearhead 02/24/2014 at 13:06

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The most infuriating thing is when for some reason cyclists still insist on using the road when the bike path running alongside it is completely empty and perfectly usable.

Korea Miéville > The Common Gearhead 02/24/2014 at 13:07

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The shocking thing about this story is that a cyclist actually stopped for a light.

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > Milky 02/24/2014 at 13:10

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Or bring you own bike lock and tie it up for good.

zmf2112 > HammerheadFistpunch 02/24/2014 at 13:13

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Yes. This.

Textured Soy Protein > The Common Gearhead 02/24/2014 at 13:14

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Bicyclists are in fact the worst.

But you lost me at "absurd amount of precipitation that has befallen the city of Boston in the last few weeks."

Because, "befallen" isn't literally talking about things falling.

OPPOsaurus WRX > Milky 02/24/2014 at 13:16

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I see where your coming from you but if your going to steal someones bike you should expect them to carve a giant dick on the hood of your car. you get me? I see people say on OPPO all the time dont mess with another mans car well the same should go for a bike. I had my bike stolen and it sucks and it wasnt for being an asshole biker, it was simply cuz thats a thing people do in the city. The better thing to do is maybe chain it to the pole again to make his life miserable for a bit. I worked hard for that bike and some just took it. its a shitty feeling. especially if its just retaliation for being a dick.

will_kern > The Common Gearhead 02/24/2014 at 13:17

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Every cyclist is different just like every driver is different. There are plenty of asshat drivers that annoy us just like there are plenty of asshat bikers. We can legitimately complain about both, as both parties endanger themselves and others through negligence or recklessness. As someone who bikes fairly often, I can understand both sides of the issue. When biking, just as when driving the key is to treat every person individually and with respect. The most we can do is not be an asshat ourselves ant try to make the world a better place one motorist/cyclist at a time.

OPPOsaurus WRX > The Common Gearhead 02/24/2014 at 13:18

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How do you like NU? Wheres your apartment? I had a couple in Mission Hill very close to the Stop and Shop and loved living up there. I graduated in 08 and 09 with my masters. During my time there I walked, biked, and drove. all three sucked.

CAR_IS_MI > The Common Gearhead 02/24/2014 at 13:25

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I will play both sides to this story.

I am a cyclist, I stop at stop signs, red lights, cross walks, etc. If I am out for a ride for fun or just general exercise, these things do not bother me. If I am out training these are inconveniences (its amazing what having to stop for 10 seconds and then get back on pace will do when your training to complete a loop at an 18 mph pace). that being said, I expect these things. This is not my private race course, I do not own the road, I do not expect otherwise.

What really gets me is the cars. People who have a reckless disregard for cyclists, leaving no room and zipping by like we don't exist. While personally I don't retaliate, rather just shake my head at how ignorant people are, I have seen other cyclists take massive offense to these drivers, and understandably, as getting hit by a car at 40 would not be fun.

I will also say that A LOT of cyclist I have come across are pretentious dicks. Sometimes when I train I like to wear sweats / warm up style clothes, for added difficulty. I always wave or say hi to passing cyclists. Often when dressed like this, the other cyclists wont wave back or say hi. If I ride shorts and a jersey, they are more likely to wave, as if you've now joined their secret club.

I don't disagree with you that this guy was a dick and a moron. But there is also (generally) a lot of misplaced hate towards cyclists.

The Common Gearhead > OPPOsaurus WRX 02/24/2014 at 13:31

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I love NU, it's an awesome school. I'm in my 4th year and I live right across the street from Roxbury Crossing station at the other end of Tremont from S&S. What did you study?

Jeff-God-of-Biscuits > The Common Gearhead 02/24/2014 at 13:32

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These are times that it would be fun to carry around one of the little u locks they make for motorcycle brake discs. At the light, just clip it around his rear rim, and throw the key out into traffic. Tell him he can mess with you, but if he probably ought to get that key before it gets run over and flattened.

DontMakeMeUseTheAllCapsKey > Nibby 02/24/2014 at 13:33

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No only do i pretend everyone in a car wants to kill me, but i also pretend that pedestrians and bicyclists want me to murder them with my car, and i drive anticipating that they will do the most insane tactics to achieve this result. (I am still mad at a pedestrian who ran from behind a double parked truck into the 2nd lane during a green light, even though it happened last year.)

The New Garage > The Common Gearhead 02/24/2014 at 13:36

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As a cyclist who used to petition for a better and more respectful relationship between automobiles and cyclists the effort is useless. I respect the rules of the road and any cyclist who doesn't goes up against a serious danger - a massive moving chunk of metal with 4 rollers waiting to crush you. I eventually came to the conclusion that riding safe for myself is the best I can do. I pretend I am a insert whichever Porsche you like so it goes to reason I should respect the rules accordingly. Now this is just one person looking to ride and live as long as possible.

Why do cyclists act like asshats? Who knows but I do know this cyclist got over that.

Don't get me started on cyclists who don't wear a helmet.

tromoly > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 02/24/2014 at 13:38

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If you are referring to the sidewalk, in some states and cities it is illegal to ride a bicycle on the sidewalk.

OPPOsaurus WRX > The Common Gearhead 02/24/2014 at 13:39

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Architecture. I loved it but i didn't get to see much outside of the studio.

The Opponaut formerly known as MattP123 > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 02/24/2014 at 13:40

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Sand is not fun to ride through when you have a road bike. Shitty traction, gets into the derailleurs, and ever so lightly sandblasts your frame which is no good if it's carbon fiber.

DontMakeMeUseTheAllCapsKey > The Common Gearhead 02/24/2014 at 13:49

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People have to walk in the street all the time in boston during the winter. The cyclist should have known this, just as drivers should know about it, for the reasons you stated. Cyclist was definitely a jerk.

As an aside, i have a friend lived in Waltham, and she hated bicyclists so much that i really worried when i heard about one being hit by a car. Luckily, she would eventually visit me, and assure me it wasn't her, but she would always say, "but i wish it had been me, dang bicyclists!". and then i worry for the next time...

Oh, also, congratulations on going to Northeastern. Those graduates are by far the best i have worked with in Boston. I would hire northeastern graduate first, always. (I actually have a joke. there is a bc grad, harvard grad, and a northeastern grad. They each have three square pegs of different widths into three circles. Tell the grads to make them fit. the BC grad states they don't fit, but do you want to go for a beer? The harvard grad explains how you were dumb for setting up the test that way, and if you went to Harvard you would have known better. the Northeastern grad suggests shaves some wood from one to make it fit, gluing the shavings to the other to make it fit, and knows someone who can make the third one fit, but holds off on doing these things until he makes sure you agree it is a good idea for your company.

davedave1111 > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 02/24/2014 at 13:57

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Granted, if it's actually perfectly usable that's not only annoying but also dumb. Still, if you haven't cycled that way you may not realise what's wrong with what looks like a usable cycle path.

London has quite a few really stupidly laid-out cycle paths. One of their favourite dumb things to do is to replace a pavement/sidewalk with a cycle path, next to a busy main road. Only problem is, all the traffic from side turnings has to give way - yield? - to the main flow of traffic but not to the cycle path, so you're constantly stopping every few yards if you use the cycle path but can keep going at normal speed if you're in the road.

davedave1111 > The Common Gearhead 02/24/2014 at 13:59

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I go for the confusion tactic in such situations. Just look at him like he's completely crazy and say 'but I am riding a bike, what's wrong with you?'

Full of the sound of the Gran Fury, signifying nothing. > The Common Gearhead 02/24/2014 at 14:04

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Years ago I used to commute to work on my bicycle, and was constantly amazed at the amount of hatred displayed towards me even though I followed the rules of the road and avoided the self-righteous douchebag cyclists and their militant behaviours. Two instances stick in my mind. First would be the motorists swerving to hit puddles so that I would get splashed, with them continuing on their merry way, nice and dry. The second was my favorite - three rednecks sitting three abreast in a beat-up early '70s Chevy truck. The one in the right seat smacked me in the back of the head with a rolled-up newspaper as they drove by, with all three laughing and hooting and hollering at their prank. This in Los Angeles, of all places.

Other than trying to use the far right side of the same far right lane that they were in instead of riding on the sidewalk, I have no idea what I did to piss off these people. No lane blocking or holier-than-thou attitudes, just a healthy fear and understanding that these people could hit and kill me without spilling their coffee or disrupting their phone calls.

DrJohannVegas > Textured Soy Protein 02/24/2014 at 14:25

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http://www.oxforddictionaries.com/us/definition/…

The past participle of befall is befallen. As one might assume that an absurd quantity of snow is (nominally) bad, and it happened to someone (the entire city of Boston), then the use of befallen is appropriate here. But hey, you had a pithy image to post, so you must be correct, right?

Milky > OPPOsaurus WRX 02/24/2014 at 14:43

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I wouldn't actually steal someone's bike. Just talking a big game on the internet, thats all.

Also sorry about your bike.

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > tromoly 02/24/2014 at 14:46

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That's a designated bike path pictured. Pretty much all the main roads in my area have a path running alongside them.

Textured Soy Protein > DrJohannVegas 02/24/2014 at 15:14

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Purpose of the image was to call myself a grammar Nazi.

DrJohannVegas > Textured Soy Protein 02/24/2014 at 15:43

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Ah, please accept my apologies. As always, tone (especially self-reference) is hard to discern on the internet.

Biodegradable Wiring Harness > Gimmi-Sagan-Om-Draken 02/24/2014 at 23:12

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That's the way bicycles were meant to be ridden. Casual attire, casual pace, no helmet, no lycra, no stick up the ass.

Philbert/Phartnagle > The Common Gearhead 02/25/2014 at 00:24

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Just carry a sawed off piece of broomstick handle with you on your walks.

Properly used it will teach assholes like that to mind their manners and business.

DontMakeMeUseTheAllCapsKey > DontMakeMeUseTheAllCapsKey 02/25/2014 at 05:58

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Actually i feel badly about the college joke. i have met plenty of very smart, resourceful, and kind people from both BC and Harvard. My apologies to anyone from those schools. (darn kinja won't let me edit the post.)

TreeWeezel > The Common Gearhead 03/03/2014 at 09:53

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Don't be jealous of cyclists over "rules". The risk of a wayward cyclist are way less than a wayward driver. Cyclists have uninhibited sight and sound, so it is nothing to jump a light when it's obviously safe. Jaywalking of the most minor variety, adding the 20# bicycle to the 150# body makes absolutely no difference.

Unless the street is a divided highway...motorists cannot demand impunity to minor impedences on the street. You're not on Nascar. Cyclists, pedestrians, crosswalks, parallel parkers, garbage trucks, horse buggies, buses stops...all the same. You gotta deal with it, that's just driving competence.

TreeWeezel > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 03/03/2014 at 09:59

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A lot of bike paths are complete horseshit, full of glass and sand and actual horseshit, and constant danger of right-turning vehicles. You can't have blind faith in whatever "engineer" painted a bike on the surface. If it's not a divided highway, you have to give cyclists respect just like a moped, school bus, tractor, struggling ancient pickup truck, or anything else slow.